Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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