i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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