First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So apparently I’m into choking now
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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