ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
