Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
