Sorry, I don't speak sober.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize