I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
