I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
