No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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