you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
