it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
