3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
