she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
