From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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