these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
