a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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