i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
