i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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