Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
