Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
