if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
