ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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