I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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