I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
