Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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