the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
