It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
