What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
