Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
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Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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