Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
