could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
