can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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