yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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