proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Everything about him screamed your future.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
