The maid of honor just puked.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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