im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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