Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
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i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
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You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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