would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
