i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
