Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
