Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
