I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
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Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
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He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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