A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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