It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
