I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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