i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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