The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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