You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
