You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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