Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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