So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
