So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
