I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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