I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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