i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
