Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
