Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
