stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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