Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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