i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
