i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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