6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
