Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.