I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
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I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
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I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.