ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.