By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
