she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
