just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
