Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
did i walk over a car last night?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
