i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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