You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
