Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
