She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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