I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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