why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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