why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
