I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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