Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
